Q: What has been the most difficult thing for you to forgive?

August 15, 2017


A: (Lady) So one of my best friends growing up from the age of like 8 to 18... When she went to an Ivy League school... (I'm a little bit younger than her) so I went to go visit her at school and I didn't drink beer at the time so I asked one of her friends who was smoking pot if I could have some pot because I wasn't drinking beer and she was drinking beer. And she was at this fancy school or whatever and I got back home after I visited and she told me that basically, she was very turned off by that and that when she thought about it, we really had nothing in common anyway... The main thing we were friends through was like from our athletics and we weren't doing our athletics together anymore so we really actually have nothing in common anymore and so she like deaded our friendship. Like, 10 years plus of friendship, because I like asked her if I could smoke some pot with like one of her college friends. She kind of like, totally threw our entire relationship by the wayside. I still am like, butt hurt about it. Like my parents know. Her parents still sent me like, you know, a gift for my 30th birthday. Like our families are close, but like... she totally just like... tossed our friendship and I'm still upset about it.




A: Oh my gosh. I think probably the hardest thing for me to forgive... that's a good question. I would probably say... it's hard for me to forgive my younger self for not really living in the moment and really living life to the fullest. I was a very anxious, young male in my early twenties and I just had so much fear and I'm so much more free now and um, just thinking about like, a lot of the time that I've wasted. But, it was also a learning experience. I'm learning to forgive my younger self.If you would've asked me this question 3 years ago, I would've said the hardest thing for me to forgive would be to forgive my dad for not being emotionally supportive. But as I became older and I really got to see a lot of his pain and things he was suffering with, I was able to forgive him because I was able to see that he wasn't able to give that type of support. And then as I got older, I had to have that type of support for myself and I didn't need it anymore. And then, I was able to forgive him and have a more positive relationship.




A: The hardest thing for me to forgive… um, when… this is maybe when I was 22 years old... I had broken somebody’s heart. And it had been due to a lot of really bad self-esteem on my end, um, me not really understanding myself, me being ashamed of myself. Um, and I was just kind of stuck in my own world. And, that took me a really long… like about a year, to forgive. That’s when I started going to therapy and going to counseling. And really trying to think about how can I take care of myself enough and love myself enough to a point where I won’t hurt anyone else, but that took a long time for me to forgive myself for the pain that I caused someone else. So, I had to reflect a lot about what kind of person I am, what kind of heart that I have and try to find a space to forgive myself, but that just took a lot of time. So, a lot of self-punishment. And I got to a point where I realized that I needed to talk to myself in a way that I would want my best friend to talk to myself. So all this negative talk that I had in my head, I would never accept it from anyone to talk to me in that way. Um, and so I had to learn how to talk to myself. I had to learn how to look at my heart and just really know that I wasn’t a bad person… Um, and that I had made a bad mistake, but I grew up from it and it taught me a lot.




A: My parents’ divorce.




A: ... Oh man. Um, most difficult thing for me to forgive... Um, my brother ran away for 6 months when I was graduating high school and missed my high school graduation. And actually did it for like, the most selfish reason. He was very fortunate. Actually, his band was doing really well. And he left and told my parents not to contact him for any reason and went off the map and we had no idea if we'd ever see him again. And he came back um, oh man... Um. Wow. You got me. Yeah, that's basically it. He basically didn't tell us about anything he did and he uh... God. It's hard to articulate the actual feelings, but yeah. My brother ran away for a while when I actually needed him and um, I asked him about it... I asked him, "where'd you go?" and he went, "I went north, south, east, west". I asked him what did you do?"... "eh, I just hung out". And you know, if someone runs away from their family without having any explanation when everything seems fine... and my dad had a stroke when he was gone and... yeah, it was just... uh... that's hard to forgive. And I actually, to this day, have really bad problems with my brother because of that... for 5 years.




A: Um. That is, yeah... I think for me it's always about betrayal. I think it's like personal betrayal. A lot of my friendships, uh... oooh. I don't know how to be specific about this without like, rambling. You know? Um. I think it's just... being manipulated by people maybe? And having to... Oh boy. I had a wild childhood where I had like an alcoholic mother who also took a lot of pills and was like... very abusive as a result and without getting too "wah, wah" about poor me into that situation, I think overcoming that and not resenting her and being able to have a relationship with her is maybe one of the hardest things I'e had to forgive? I don't know... there's also just like bad relationships and bad romances and things like that that hurt or are hard to get over. I don't know, I feel like this is sort of an empty response to the question that you're asking. I think in general the hardest thing to forgive is just uh... trusting someone and having them betray you. That's very vague, but... I'm sure a lot of people have similar answers about it.




A: The most difficult thing for me to forgive has probably been my parents. Unfortunately, my mom had a drug addiction. Um, I was in foster care. I met my dad for the first time this year at age 25, I'll be 26 on Saturday. So, I think a part of me hasn't forgiven them for giving me that foundation that I know that I need... or that I needed. Right? But, I've been fortunate to be very successful in a lot of things without having that foundation so, I'm working on that.




A: Ohh, to forgive. Wow. Um, I would have to say forms of betrayal, I guess. Um, not always cheating, but like, I guess in that realm. Just like, dishonesty and lying probably. Yeah.





A: To forgive? To forgive? Ummm. The women I've hurt. Um, becoming more understanding to what my actions can do. And understanding that they can hurt somebody. And seeing that with being stupid and doing something, still is impactful and so sometimes I... Not even sometimes... I still think about some things that I've done to women as a form of... I guess rebellion from myself. Rebellion from my mother. I don't know. Some weird Oedipus thing. I don't know. From some understanding of being rejected myself, and possibly rejecting things... I don't know. Um, I'm gonna say that, just my actions and attitudes towards um, I don't know... people that I've dated. So, they've happened to be women, but in general, how I've treated women that I've loved, or have liked, or have... you know, have been interested in and still have not shown them the respect that I should've. So, that's probably something that I think about a lot.




A: The most difficult thing for me to forgive, uh was myself. Leaving my wife and my kids. It was a bad relationship, but the kids... you know? It's tough.




A: Somebody hurting my mom. I would say, seeing someone hurt her like hurts me more than it hurts people hurting themselves... if that makes sense. So, I can't forgive that.  




Editor's Cut. A: I think at one point we loved each other. Then that turned into me loving him and allowing him to love me when he wanted. That has been the most difficult thing to forgive. Myself.Posting this on Instagram was super uncomfortable for two reasons:1. I rarely talk to people that I know in person about my love life. And when I finally decided to do this (on Instagram) it's about a 'failure'. It was hard to be vulnerable in this way and about this topic because I wondered if people thought more of me. I come off as having it together (I think), so I wondered if people would think I was just another silly girl. But! I let that go. Owning my story really gives less power to others so I posted this anyway because even if they thought the worst, I knew best. And I knew that this was an unpleasant situation, but one I've really grown from. Also, I can't be out here asking people to spill their truth while concealing mine.2. I thought this picture was so dramatic, but the truth is, I wasn't intentionally posing, I was scratching my scalp. 😂 But it came out pretty cool. So I used it. Check out the corresponding video!

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